RNC HEADQUARTERS, TRUMP TOWER — Our next Commander-in-Chief has been calling a few carefully chosen world leaders. Since he claims to know everything about everything, he hasn’t bothered to consult the State Department before making such calls. One of the first world leaders to telephone him after his astonishing and unpredicted victory on November 8 was Japan’s Prime Minister, Shinzo Abe. Abe is meeting with the president-elect today right here in Trump Tower.
Other world leaders who want to talk with the president-elect have been greatly frustrated in their inability to reach him, so they have been calling Trump Tower.
Associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones has, at great personal expense, rented an apartment in the same megabuilding where The Donald lives. She was with Rogelio Martinez, one of the janitors at Trump Tower, when Frank Bainimarama, the president of Fiji, and Danny Faure, the president of the Seychelles and a leader of the People’s Party of that island nation, attempted to reach Mr. Trump. Fiji is an archipelago in the South Pacific which is very concerned about global warming. Trump has, at several of his megarallies, referred to global warming as a hoax perpetrated by China. The Seychelles is an island nation in the Indian Ocean. Bainimarama is attending the global warming meeting in Marrakech where, yesterday, Secretary of State John Kerry, addressing the urgent need to preserve the climate change agreement which he reached in Paris, diplomatically, without mentioning Trump’s name, warned Trump of the absolute need not to walk away from the Paris accord on climate change which Trump has promised to scrap.
As Jones watched, Martinez received a call on his cell phone from Faure, the president of the Seychelles.
Speaking fluent Spanish, Faure said, “Hola, Rogelio, como esta?”
Martinez, immediately recognizing Faure’s voice from having vacationed in the Seychelles last year, said “Hola, amigo, estoy encantado de escuchar tu voz!” (“Hey buddy, I am delighted to hear your voice!”)
“Necesito urgentemente hablar con Señor Trump!” (“I urgently need to speak with Mr. Trump.”
“El no esta disponible. El señor Abe, como una ofrenda de paz, le trajo una enorme bandeja de sashimi crudo, y el señor Abe lo esta metiendo en la boca de señor Trump mientras señor Abe esta mirando a la señora Trump, que levando su tunica.” (“He is not available. Prime Minister Abe brought to Mr. Trump an enormous tray of raw sashimi as a peace offering, and Mr. Abe is shoveling the sashimi into Mr. Trump’s mouth while he is staring at Mrs. Trump, who is wearing only her negligee.”)
“Pero todo mi pais esta siendo arrastrado por el calentamiento global!” ("But my whole country is being washed away by global warming!")
Suddenly, Martinez shouted to Jones, “Help! Trump Tower is being inundated by Hurricane Christie!”
Immediately, Martinez dropped the phone, leaving Faure in the lurch. Outside, an enormous tidal wave, more powerful than Hurricane Sandy, swept through Trump Tower, with New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie riding the wave.
Trump’s son-in-law, Jared Kushner, laughed all the way to the bank.