RNC HEADQUARTERS, TRUMP TOWER — Japan’s Emperor Akihito wants to abdicate, and Donald Trump is taking credit.
Early this morning, Trump and his campaign chairman, Paul Manafort, held their daily strategy meeting, attended by an invisible solitary reporter.
“Sir,” Manafort began, disguising his interior trepidation, “for the last couple of days, you haven’t said anything to stoke up your mad as hell supporters.”
“Yes, Paul,” the Republican presidential nominee said, “Priebus won’t let me say hardly anything that I want to say anymore. He even made me endorse Ryan, McCain, and Ayotte, even though I can’t stand any of them.”
“How about this, Sir? You have already made it clear that Japan needs to have its own nukes so they can take out the boy dictator in North Korea. Emperor Akihito wants to abdicate. You should take full credit for that.”
Two minutes later, Trump tweeted exactly that.
Reaction from Japanese Prime Minister Abe Shinzo was immediate. Abe called in the American Ambassador, Caroline Bouvier Kennedy, and lodged a strong protest. But Kennedy calmly explained that Trump is completely off his rocker and everything he says should be immediately disregarded.