In Edinburgh, Trump Announces His Veep Pick

EDINBURGH, SCOTLAND — Moments ago, the GOP’s 2016 presidential nominee in waiting arrived here on a business trip, clearly seeking to escape from the woes of his doomed presidential campaign, and announced his choice for a running mate.


Previously, we have suggested that Donald Trump might logically pick such outstanding leaders as Sarah Palin, Joe Arpaio, Maine Gov. Paul LePage, and Silvio Berlusconi.


But today, as observed by a solitary reporter, Trump got off his Trump Airlines superjet with a bald Congressman from East Texas at his side.


“Louie Gohmert is my kind of guy,” Trump said as he introduced the man who challenged John Boehner for Speaker of the House last year, only to lose out two days later to some vague version of Republican rationality.


“Did you see Louie yesterday when the Democrats in the House did their sit-in stunt? Louie said that the people killed in that Orlando nightclub were killed by radical Islam — which is exactly what happened.”


“One of the things about Louie that I admire most is that last July, he called on the Democrat Party to disband because of its historical support of slavery and racism.”


“See, the Democrat Party really should disband, because that way Hillary wouldn’t be trying to keep me from deporting millions of Mexican criminals.”


“I also love it that Louie is one of the leaders of the Congressional Tea Party Caucus."


Stepping up to the mike before an astonished group of reporters, Gohmert said “Mr. Trump has made it clear that he wanted someone as his Vice President who knows how Washington works. I am that man.”


In Washington, DNC Chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz told our associate solitary reporter, John Jones, that her job in propelling Hillary Clinton to victory has been made much easier. “We probably won’t need to raise nearly as much money as I had thought we would,” Wasserman Schultz said.


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