Obama Names Sanders As Our New Envoy to Jerusalem

President Obama and Bernie Sanders met yesterday in the Oval Office at the senator’s request. A solitary reporter was present and was there only to report to the world on their meeting.


The president asked Bernie, “How can I thank you enough for campaigning on the issues that I really wanted to advance but I couldn't?”


“Thank you, Mr. President.”


“But I’m endorsing Hillary anyway.”


“Yes, I know.”


 “Bernie, I would like to do something special for you.”


“Yes, Mr. President, what’s that?”


“Well, Bernie, you see, I have this problem with Benjamin Netanyahu.” 


“Oy vey!”


“After you win on Tuesday right here in the District of Columbia, I’m going to call up Netanyahu and tell him that I am replacing Daniel Shapiro, our current Ambassador, with — you.”


The Independent Jewish senator from Vermont — who likes Netanyahu even less than Obama does — fell on the floor and gasped, “But Mr. President, it will be so hot in Jerusalem this summer – and I was really looking forward to spending some quality time with Jane at our home in the Green Mountain State.”


“Bernie, your country needs you.”


In 2014, Sanders condemned Israeli attacks on innocent civilians in Gaza, so when our associate solitary reporter, John Jones, told Netanyahu about Obama’s plan to send Sanders to Jerusalem to represent the US, Netanyahu exploded in an apoplectic rage and said, “That does it! I’m endorsing Donald Trump!!"

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