Trump Taps Austrian Loser For His Veep

VIENNA – Over the weekend, Norbert Hofer, the Freedom Party of Austria’s presidential candidate, lost his bid to become Europe’s first radical right-wing president since Hitler.


Campaigning on an extreme anti-immigrant theme, Hofer lost to Alexander Van der Bellen, the candidate of the Greens Party. Van der Bellen’s margin of victory was only 0.6%. 


But Donald Trump arrived here yesterday to award a consolation prize to Hofer. A solitary reporter watched from the sidelines as Trump told Hofer, “Both of us hate immigrants. The only immigrant I like is my Slovenian wife. Because you have bravely resisted the hordes of migrants coming to your country, I'd like you to come to America and be my running mate.”


Hofer accepted, and immediately begin preparations to help wall off all of the United States. But Norbertine Abbot General Thomas Handgratinger strenuously objected, saying that Norbert Hofer does not deserve to bear the noble name of the founder of the Norbertine order of Roman Catholic priests. St. Norbert College in De Pere, Wisconsin, reflects the glories of Saint Norbert of Xanthen (1080-1134). 


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