Trump Is Struck Down By Lucifer And Outed From The Presbyterian Church

BURLINGAME, CALIFORNIA – Yesterday, at Stanford, former House Speaker John Boehner regaled an audience with his colorful description of Ted Cruz: Boehner also said that Cruz is “Lucifer in the flesh.” 


With a solitary reporter observing closely, Cruz immediately tweeted Boehner and Donald Trump, saying “Boehner is worse than an ignoramus. My favorite verses in the Bible are Isaiah 14:11-12, the only place where, in the King James version, what should be translated as ‘Day Star, Son of Dawn’ comes out as Lucifer.”


In the tweet, Cruz elaborated at length on why he is the most theologically correct candidate in the presidential race.


“Unlike you, Donald,” Cruz said, “I know my Bible backwards and forwards. In Isaiah 14:11-12 the Lord says: “Your pomp is brought down to Sheol, and the sound of your harps; maggots are the bed beneath you, and worms are your covering. How you are fallen from heaven, O Day Star, son of Dawn! How you are cut down to the ground!"


Trump immediately read the tweet to his rally in here in Burlingame. But that was his bad, because all the loony evangelicals in the audience swarmed around him, overpowering Corey Lewandowski and all his biker thugs. At last report, Trump was being held in bondage in the First Presbyterian Church of Burlingame, where The Rev. Henry Hansen, Associate Pastor of Evangelism, Outreach, and Equipping informed the GOP front-runner, “Son, the Pope is absolutely right: anybody who seeks to build a wall to keep people out of God’s country is not a Christian.”


“You claim to be a Presbyterian,” Rev. Hansen continued, “but you’re not even a Christian. You just simply do not have the equipment."


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