WASHINGTON – And you thought that this presidential election cycle has surpassed all expectations for the bizarre.
Right now, the Supreme Court of the United States is hearing arguments on Texas’ challenge to President Obama’s 2014 executive action which sought to defer deportation of thousands of illegal immigrants. Texas is joined by 25 other states and the US House of Representatives. The lower courts ruled that Obama exceeded his constitutional authority after a supine Congress refused to do anything to resolve the nation’s long-simmering immigration crisis.
A solitary reporter is observing the arguments, sitting at counsel table with US Solicitor General Donald Verrilli, who is defending the president’s actions.
But even before Chief Justice John Roberts had the opportunity to gavel the proceedings to order, Donald Trump burst into the courtroom to announce that his closest rival for the GOP presidential nomination, Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas), is his choice to fill the vacancy on the Court occasioned by the death in February of Justice Antonin Scalia.
Without even asking the Chief Justice for permission to speak, Trump yelled, “Obama bypassed Congress, which is his custom, so I have decided to bypass the president. I will be moving into the White House on January 20, and because I have been so successful running for president on my lily-white platform of booting out all the illegal immigrants who are strangling our country, I have decided that Scalia should be replaced by Cruz, right now. I can’t be bothered by the fact that I have not yet defeated Hillary. I’m taking this action right now and right here!"
“And, quite conveniently, with Ted out of my way for tomorrow’s New York primary, and Kasich typically inconsequential, I will easily cement my lead for the nomination. The Trump presidency beings today!”
With even Justices Clarence Thomas and Samuel Alito gaping in disbelief, Cruz descended from the courtroom’s magnificent chandelier, fully robed as a Justice, as the Chief Justice hurriedly administered the oath to Cruz, who was wearing a halo given to him moments before by Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell. Sotto voce, McConnell told the solitary reporter that he is really happy to have Cruz out of the Senate.
As soon as Cruz took his seat on the bench, the Chief Justice adjourned the proceedings, saying, “We need not hear from the lawyers for Texas and the House of Representatives, because we now have nine members on the Court, and the outcome is clear. The rulings of the lower courts are affirmed and the deportations should begin immediately.”
For the first time in his life, Cruz didn’t say anything, while Justices Thomas and Alito beamed with pleasure. Justice Thomas retired to his chambers to devise his legal strategy for filing a defamation action against HBO’s portrayal of him in “Confirmation,” which aired over the weekend. “Confirmation” is a mini-biopic about the 1991 fight for Thomas’ confirmation after law professor Anita Hill reluctantly told the world what a dipshit Clarence Thomas is.