Trump Chokes Rubio

HOUSTON – As Wolf Blitzer and Telemundo superstar Maria Celeste Arrarás looked on during yesterday’s last GOP presidential debate before Super Tuesday, Donald Trump, knowing full well that Mitch McConnell, Paul Ryan, and Reince Priebus are scared shitless that Trump will win their coveted nomination, Trump went over the top. As a solitary reporter and millions of other viewers watched, Trump choked Sen. Marco Rubio (TP-Florida) (R-Florida).


The Donald did this after doing a double whammy: he called Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) a liar (he’s right about that), and he called out Rubio for sweating or, in the Trumpian language, choking.


The solitary reporter, who flunked his last first aid test, bolted out of his seat in a vain attempt to help Rubio. The solitary reporter made matters much worse by trying to reassure Rubio in Spanish.


Expeditiously and efficiently, Dr. Ben Carson, retired neurosurgeon and anti-establishment presidential candidate, who had been complaining all evening that nobody wanted to attack him, and that nobody asked him any questions, resuscitated Rubio with his Godgiven hands. Rubio  thanked Carson and invited him to join Team Rubio as his Surgeon General, but only if Carson switches from Seventh-Day Adventist to Roman Catholic and quits being a vegetarian.


Earlier in the debate, Celeste Arrarás asked Rubio what, if anything, he intends to do to bailout Celeste Arrarás’ native Puerto Rico, which is about to go bankrupt. “Not a damn thing,” Rubio replied. “Soy cubano, no soy puertorricano." 


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