RNC HEADQUARTERS, WASHINGTON — With a solitary reporter in attendance, RNC Chairman Reince Priebus was closeted earlier today with former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney.
“Mitt,” the veteran Wisconsin GOP operative said, “you’re our only hope. Your country needs you, again.”
Romney, 68, called LDS President Thomas Monson, 20 years his senior, who promptly approved Romney’s candidacy.
Romney – whose strategists last time around assured him that he would defeat President Obama, immediately began preparing for the December 15 GOP presidential debate by donning steel armor — in particular, an iron jockstrap.
His wife, Ann Romney, expressed reservations.
“I am a much more compassionate businessman than that circus barker from Manhattan,” Romney explained to the solitary reporter. “And I’m not a Seventh Day Adventist and a vegetarian, like Carson.”
“Not only that, I’m not crazy.”
Operatives for Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) and Marco Rubio (TP-Florida) cried foul.
The solitary reporter caught a redeye flight back to Denver, singing “Happy Days Are Here Again” to anyone who would listen.