Assad To Stay In Russia After Visit To Putin

THE KREMLIN –  Embattled Syrian president Bashar al-Assad has decided to stay here in Russia indefinitely as the guest of President Vladimir Putin, his chief sponsor, according to intelligence obtained by a solitary reporter.

Assad flew here secretly on Monday so that he and Putin could get together to firm up their plans for how Putin will help him continue the agony which he has inflicted on the Syrian people for four years. Assad has not left Syria since the civil war in his country began raging.

The two leaders met on Tuesday, and the photo-op showed the tall, ungainly Syrian, with his massive schnozzle, beaming at the camera as the diminutive and hypothetically virile Putin grasped his hand and smiled at the photographer with a smile intended to intimidate anyone who gets in his way.

The solitary reporter’s sources were unsure whether the Syrian dictator will be staying in one of the numerous guest apartments in the Kremlin itself, or at Putin’s Palace on the Black Sea.

The United States and all other sensible nations have been clamoring for years for Assad to leave power and avoid further bloodshed in Syria.

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