FRANKLIN, TENNESSEE — At a campaign event here in Williamson County yesterday, Donald Trump commented on the most recent mass school shooting, this time at Umpqua Community College in Roseburg, Oregon.

“It was a gun-free zone,” the leading GOP presidential candidate said. “Let me tell you, if you had a couple teachers with guns in that room, you would have been a hell of a lot better off.”

Trump went on to tell his audience that he has a license to carry a concealed weapon in New York, and that his license should be honored in all fifty states.

Unbeknown to Trump, a solitary reporter, clutching a barf bag, observed the proceedings.

As Trump continued in his fulminations, the solitary reporter noticed that Wayne LaPierre, the NRA’s top gun, was elbowing his way to the podium.

As Trump began to foam at the mouth at gun control advocates, LaPierre, toting rifles and pistols similar to the ones used by the shooter in Roseburg, stood up, brandishing his weapons, and said, “I am supporting Donald Trump for president!”

LaPierre, in full command of the podium, continued, reminding the audience that seven days after the Sandy Hook massacre in Newtown, Connecticut, he called on Congress to appropriate funds to hire armed police officers for every American school.

The solitary reporter then popped up from his position of obscurity in the back of the room and demanded that Trump and all the other GOP presidential candidates pledge to respond to the Roseburg massacre, and all subsequent school shootings, by requesting the governors of all fifty States and all American territories to order flags to be flown at half-mast whenever a school shooting occurs anywhere in the USA. “The way things are going in this country now,” the solitary reporter said, “those flags will always be at half mast.” 

The solitary reporter was taken away in handcuffs and is presently languishing in the Williamson County jail.

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