READING, OHIO — John Boehner, having, only yesterday, abruptly resigned his position as Speaker of the House of Representatives, as well as his seat in Congress, met a solitary reporter for coffee here in the town where he was born in 1949.
“SR,” the Speaker began, “I owe you a huge apology.”
This immediately caught the solitary reporter’s attention.
“You see, SR,” Boehner continued, “I just couldn’t take it anymore, trying, and failing, to herd those Tea Party nuts in my caucus.”
“And, after working for 20 years to get the Pope to address a Joint Session of Congress, and finally being able to welcome the Pope in person and to receive his blessing, well, you see, that was the highlight of my career in Congress.”
The Speaker began to choke up.
“So why, Sir, do you owe me an apology?” the solitary reporter asked respectfully.
“Well, SR, before I announced my resignation, don’t you see, that’s a story that you could have easily fabricated, since you are so good at making up stuff, especially when you poke fun at the Grand Old Party. And, like most of your BS, nobody would have believed it.”
Now the solitary reporter began to understand.
“Well, Mr. Speaker, I think you should run for president.”
“SR, you are one smart guy. That’s why I invited you here. Will you help me launch my campaign?”
The solitary reporter smiled, and promised Boehner that he would promote his presidential candidacy in this apocryphal newspaper.
On the campaign trail, Ohio Gov. John Kasich told an aide that he might have to quit the race because Boehner is so much better known than he is.