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In A Sweet Deal With McConnell, Obama SendsTrump To Cuba As Ambassador
July 3, 2015
THE WHITE HOUSE — Yesterday, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R.-Kentucky) whined about the opening of the US Embassy in Havana, because President Obama will soon be nominating an ambassador to Cuba, the first since diplomatic relations were severed by President Eisenhower in 1961.
In a speech to a local chamber of commerce in Lexington, Kentucky, McConnell referred to Cuba as a “thuggish regime” that is "a haven for criminals” fleeing prosecution in the United States. McConnell made it very clear that he has no intention of confirming any ambassadorial pick by the president.
So Secretary of State John Kerry — no friend of McConnell’s — had a bright idea.
“Mr. President,” Kerry tweeted the president from Vienna, where he is valiantly seeking an agreement with Iran on Iran’s nuclear capability, while simultaneously trying to avoid further blasts against Obama from Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, “I think Donald Trump would be a great choice to send to Cuba.” Kerry included a solitary reporter in his tweet.
White House Chief of Staff Denis McDonough and Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid immediately agreed.
“Mr. President,” they said, "if you send The Donald to Cuba, it will be a huge favor to the Republicans, because Trump is polling number two in New Hampshire, right after Jeb; and Fox News is holding a debate next month among the top ten polling presidential candidates, and Reince Priebus and his buddies at the RNC are worried sick that they’ll have to include Trump in that group of ten, when there are already fourteen who have already announced, not counting Scott Walker."
“Let’s do it,” Mr. Obama said. “I need to show McConnell I can make deals with him."
Very soon, Trump’s third wife, Slovenian model Melania Knauss, told him that the man whom her husband firmly believes was not born in the United States was on the phone.
When Trump received Obama’s offer, his first impulse was to say “Boy, you’re fired!”; but his mercenary instinct prevailed.
“I’ll do it, but only if I can put as many casinos in Havana as I want, and hold as many beauty pageants as I want,” Trump said.
Then Obama called McConnell. “That’s a good beginning," McConnell said. “I’ll schedule a confirmation vote if Trump pulls out of the presidential race, but only if you stop the war on coal that you and your EPA have been waging.”
Obama nodded, and McConnell continued.
“And quit stalling on the Keystone XL Pipeline,” the senior senator from Kentucky continued.
“Go on,” Obama said.
“Abandon your dream for the DREAM Act, and send all those dirty illegal kids back to Mexico.”
By the time the ten-minute telephone conversation between Obama and McConnell had concluded, McConnell was smiling, and Trump, 68, and Melania, 45, were on their way to Havana.
Obama’s standings in the polls, however, took an immediate plunge, as Latino leaders, including Rev. Gabriel Salguero, president of the National Latino Evangelical Coalition, denounced the appointment of El Donaldo as the US Ambassador to Cuba. Salguero called Trump’s comments about Mexicans in his June 16 presidential announcement — in which Trump, describing Mexicans, said “They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They're rapists. And some, I assume, are good people" – as xenophobic rhetoric. Salguero said, “Any president who would have anything at all to do with a man as despreciable [despicable] as Donald Trump is no friend of ours.”
But former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush could only smile.
© 2015 Tom Korson
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