WASHINGTON — Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R.-Kentucky), who had previously endorsed Kentucky’s junior senator, Rand Paul, for president, is not too happy with his colleague from the Bluegrass State.

For weeks now, McConnell has been insisting that the USA Patriot Act be extended, but it expired yesterday at midnight after Paul, pandering to his Tea Party base, and hoping as well to gain traction among civil liberties advocates, insisted on its expiration. During the debate yesterday evening on the Senate floor, Paul’s Republican colleagues, including Sen. John McCain, insisted that he reconsider and allow the Senate to vote on the House-passed USA Freedom Act. During the debate, McConnell, visibly angry at Paul’s antics, made a last-gasp attempt to keep certain provisions of the USA Patriot Act alive, only to be rebuffed by his 52-year old Kentucky colleague. Responding on the Senate floor, McConnell ripped what he called “demagoguery” surrounding the debate over extending the USA Patriot Act. But the law expired at midnight, much to Paul’s delight.

This infuriated Sen. Dan Coats (R.-Indiana), who accused Paul of “lying” about the provisions of the USA Patriot Act in order to raise money for his presidential campaign;

Ever eager to be a witness to earthshaking developments, a solitary reporter teleported himself to Sen. McConnell’s side. The solitary reporter reminded McConnell that, when Paul ran for the Senate in 2009, McConnell endorsed Paul’s opponent in the Republican primary, Trey Grayson. This unpleasant reminder only brought a grimace to McConnell’s face.

But soon, a broad smile broke over McConnell’s well-worn visage. “SR, it’s taken me quite a while, but now I know what I’m going to do.”

“I am going to grab that snotty little s___ by every single curl on his pretty head and drive him out of the Republican Party.”

“I’ve been watching Kevin Spacey as President Frank Underwood in House of Cards, and there are certain arrangements which President Underwood would make in a case like this."

Then McConnell withdrew to his office, where he offered plenty of Kentucky bourbon to Coats and his colleagues in the Republican leadership, as well as RNC Chairman Reince Priebus.

At last report, Paul was in Texas with his father, former Libertarian Party presidential candidate Ron Paul, drawing up articles of incorporation for the Tea Party. Senator Paul was being protected by the Texas Rangers, who insisted on staying in the room despite the fact that Ron Paul was trying to shoo them away because he (Ron Paul) considered them to represent government interference in private affairs. Texas’ junior senator, Ted Cruz, was in the room, demanding that the Tea Party state in its articles of incorporation that Jesus Christ is the Savior of the United States (provided that Cruz is elected president).

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