ZÜRICH — Jordanian Prince Ali bin Hussein opposed FIFA President Sepp Blatter in today’s vote for the presidency of the multinational, omnipotent football organization, and the mainstream media reported that Hussein, the third son of Jordan’s King Hussein, dropped out in the second round, but, as usual, the mainstream media got it wrong.

During the balloting, a solitary reporter jumped up and insisted that “What FIFA needs is an experienced political leader!”

“Some say that this body is permeated with corruption, and others say that football needs an American leader because Americans are still to some extent important in the world, and in the United States, real football, as opposed to American football, is popular.”

“Dennis Hastert is your man. He was the Speaker of our House Of Representatives for eight years, longer than any other Republican Speaker, he’s good at money laundering, and he’s a powerful lobbyist.”

As the solitary reporter was carted away, the delegates shook their heads in disbelief and reelected Blatter.

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