April 29, 2015

WASHINGTON — As a solitary reporter listened today to Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe plugging for the Trans Pacific Partnership Treaty, he had a sudden and irremediable hunger attack.

“The only rice I ever eat is rice raised by the hard-working Japanese farmers, with whom I became closely acquainted when I lived in Japan in 1957,” the solitary reporter observed to his associate solitary reporter, Ken Colburn. The two men, acquainted since 1968, were observing the proceedings in the gallery above the House of Representatives Chamber.

“Therefore, Ken,” the solitary reported continued, “I am unfailingly opposed to this secret TPP. Let’s leave now while the gettin’s good and go immediately to Momiji Japanese Restaurant on H Street. My treat.”

"Not only that,” he continued, “this damn TPP has been classified as so secret that only the mega-businesses and their CEOs and lawyers can look at it, so I am definitely agin’ it.”

For his part, however, Colburn responded, “I don’t like sushi. I’m a meat and potatoes guy, and I like American beef."

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