BALTIMORE — Taking his cue from Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas), the first nominal Republican to announce that he is running for the most powerful office on the planet, former Maryland Gov. Martin O’Malley announced to a solitary reporter shortly after midnight today that he is running against Hillary in 2016.

“SR,” O’Malley explained, “your fame has spread far and wide, and I wanted you to be the first to know that I’m running for president next year.”

“In fact,” O’Malley continued, “if you want, you can be my media guru.”

After thanking the former governor, the solitary reporter scratched his head and asked why he was being so favored.

“Well,” O’Malley said, “you supported Obama in 2008. I supported Hillary in 2008 but, as I said yesterday on ABC’s This Week, the presidency is not a crown to be handed off between family members. Not only that, Hillary is way too cozy with Wall Street. Wall Street controls the GOP and is trying to buy the Democratic Party, what’s left of it. We need a president who is ready to take on powerful and wealthy special interests.”

After catching a redeye back to Denver, the solitary reporter called former President Bill Clinton to gain his reaction to O’Malley’s comments. But Mr. Clinton threw a metaphorical bomb onto the solitary reporter’s lap.

“SR,” President Clinton demanded, "what about that huge scandal when O’Malley was governor, and he arranged for an unnecessary, $28 million highway interchange leading from Interstate 795 to the property of one of his cronies, Edward St. John, who is a major land developer?”

Then the solitary reporter reminded Mr. Clinton about his (and Hillary’s) Whitewater controversy, and asked him, point blank, “Sir, if you are so damn ethical, why did you issue a pardon for Susan McDougal – who went to prison for 18 months for refusing to testify against you — right before you left office in 2001?”

Affronted, Clinton cursed the solitary reporter for being an unreconstructed Yankee, and walked away.

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