THE WHITE HOUSE – Early yesterday, a solitary reporter, waiting breathlessly in the Situation Room, watched President Obama sketch out the final details of his soon to be issued Executive Order on immigration.
Pundits, politicians, and political strategists have been speculating for months on how the president plans to assure Hillary’s victory in 2016 by granting immediate citizenship to Latinos who are not supposed to be here, thus converting them into eligible voters, to assure that the White House will remain in Democratic hands for at least four more years.
But the president surprised everyone when he told his Chief of Staff, Denis McDonough, “Ted Cruz was born in Canada and he went through all kinds of hoops to cancel his Canadian citizenship. His father came from Cuba. My executive order, which I will issue at 2 AM tomorrow, will focus on the mechanism by which I’m going to have him deported.”
“But should I send him to Canada or to Cuba?”
As his close personal friend Valerie Jarrett entered the room, she said, “If you send him to Cuba, you will forever lose the opportunity of restoring diplomatic relations with that volatile island nation. Send him to Canada.”
But the solitary reporter immediately tweeted Canadian Prime Minister Steven Harper, and Harper demanded to speak directly to the president.
When Harper had Obama’s ear, he said, “If you send Ted Cruz up here, I’ll never forgive you, and just to show you that I mean it, if you do that, I’m going to build the Keystone XL pipeline myself.”
In response to these dire threats, Obama sighed and said, “Well, I guess we’ll just have to put up with Ted Cruz for the rest of his natural life.”
Then McDonough suggested, “But Sir, this is a golden opportunity to get rid of the guy. Put him on a Carnival Cruise Lines cruise ship, with explicit directions to Carnival that it can’t dock at any port: then Cruz would be a stateless person."