WASHINGTON — The White House, angry at Colorado’s senior senator, Mark Udall, a Democrat, for demanding the resignation of CIA Director John Brennan for hacking into the Senate Intelligence Committee’s computers, has cut off all support in Udall’s tough re-election campaign against Congressman Cory Gardner (TP-Yuma), a thirty-nine year old chipmunk who masquerades as a politician. Udall is a member of the Intelligence Committee, which is chaired by Dianne Feinstein (D.-Calif.).
“Udall refuses to do our bidding,” White House Chief of Staff Dennis McDonough explained to a solitary reporter at his daily press briefing. Udall is the first Democratic senator to call for Brennan’s resignation, having previously been the first Democrat in the Senate to demand the resignation of VA Secretary Eric Shinseki. “So we’re sending him to Kabul to greet beleaguered Afghans as they stumble into our embassy. Our Ambassador, Jim Cunningham, is under strict instructions from John Kerry to be the Walmart-style greeter at the entrance to our heavily-guarded embassy. Udall will have no other responsibilities.”
A spokesman for Udall’s office contacted the solitary reporter to tell him that “Obama can kiss goodbye to having Harry Reid come back as Majority Leader in the next Congress.”
Udall was unavailable for comment, as he was celebrating Colorado Day by hiking the Colorado Trail at its southern terminus near Durango in southwest Colorado.
With Udall gone, Democratic legend Frank Sullivan has volunteered to take on Gardner, and the Gardner campaign issued a statement saying that the Congressman looks forward to attacking Sullivan “for being way too partisan” and for spending too much time trying to tell the Colorado Department of Transportation how to fix the nagging problem of what to do about the rapidly aging I-70 viaduct over the economically challenged Swansea neighborhood. “That viaduct is a lot younger than Frank,” Gardner’s campaign manager said, “and Frank is just another tax and spend Democrat.”