JACKSON, MISSISSIPPI — A surprise to end all surprises.
Flanked by a solitary reporter and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, 76-year-old Sen. Thad Cochran (R.-Miss.), celebrating his victory over Tea Party insurgent candidate Chris McDaniel in Mississippi’s GOP primary runoff yesterday, announced to a wildly cheering crowd that he is accepting the inevitable.
“Ah started life as a Democrat,” Cochran said. “And since Ah got such overwhelmin' support from black Democrats yesterday in the runoff, Ah’m comin' home. I’m changin' mah registration. As of thirty minutes ago, Ah’m a Democrat. It feels so goood to be comin' home. Ah’m free at last!"
“The Democratic Party has changed for the better, and Lee Atwater developed the Southern Strategy that won Bush One the election in 1988 over Dukakis,” Cochran, who succeeded big-time Democratic seg Sen. James Eastland in 1978, continued. “Just before comin' out hee-ya to celebrate our victoree, mah wife Rose and I were watchin’ that exceptionally powerful PBS special, “Freedom Summer,” about how thousands of idealistic white college kids came down hee-ya in the Magnolia State in 1964, riskin’ their lives to do the right thing by registerin' all of our black voters.”
“Lookin’ back, Ah wish I had enlisted along with Fannie Lou Hamer back then in 1964, as part of the Mississippi Freedom Democratic Party — — if y’all recall, the MFDP tried to unseat us segs in 1964 at the DNC, but Lyndon prevented it.”
"Not only that, as I was campaignin' against that young punk McDaniel, every night before I went to sleep Rose and I read to each other that fabulous and insightful book by David S. Reynolds, 'Uncle Tom’s Cabin and the Battle for America: Mightier Than the Sword.' Did y’all know that 'Uncle Tom’s Cabin' was the second best-sellin' book in the 19th century after the Bible?"
“Nighthorse — — you know, my good buddy Ben Nighthorse Campbell — — started off as a good Democrat, then became a Republican like me in 1995, after being elected to the Senate from Colorado, and since Nighthorse switched, so can I — — Reince Priebus and Mitch McConnell be damned!"
In Ellisville, Mississippi, McDaniel, who, as of press time, had not conceded, vowed to fight on, running as an Independent against Cochran and Democratic Senate hopeful and the likely winner in November, former Chancery Clerk of Prentiss County and former Congressman Travis Childers.
As he left the podium, Reid shook Cochran's hand, invited him to join the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and whispered to the senator, “Thad, the president’s on the line. Please be sure to tell him to stay out of Iraq."