THE WHITE HOUSE — Amidst its intense embarrassment over the inadvertent release of the identity of the CIA Station Chief for Afghanistan (in connection with President Obama’s visit to Bagram Air Force Base over the weekend), a solitary reporter has once again come to the rescue of his president, with no thought of attracting any attention to himself.
Most reputable news media deferred to The White House’s request that the name of the station chief not be included in their news accounts.
This blog, which is responsible only unto itself, is now at liberty to reveal the station chief’s identity.
It is Edward Snowden.
The solitary reporter, disguised as a mole, discovered that, deep in the bowels of the White House, there is a top-secret organization of journalists known as REVEAL (Reporters Evidently Very Energetic At Last), which holds that no government in the United States, especially the federal government, should have any secrets at all. REVEAL is a spinoff of the American Civil Liberties Union. REVEAL has so extensively infiltrated the CIA, the NSA, and the National Security Council, that it has decided to, well, er, umm, reveal itself.
Asked by the solitary reporter why he had decided to quit his bachelor pad in Moscow to join one of his arch enemies (the CIA), Snowden said that he is homesick, having had far too much Stolichnaya and borscht, plus, in his own words, “I finally figured out that Putin is an A1 asshole.”
White House Press Secretary Jay Carney, asked at his daily briefing how Snowden had been rehired by the US government, he snapped, obviously frustrated, saying, “Somebody in Colorado’s Marijuana Madness Movement must have done it.”
As CNN’s Wolf Blitzer, Anderson Cooper, and Brianna Keilar conferred to discuss Snowden’s reemergence in the World Writ Large, each of them confirmed that the RNC, soon to be led by GOP presidential wannabe Jeb Bush, will never let the American public forget this one.