CITY PARK, DENVER — A mere two miles from the Mile High City's Civic Center Park, a solitary reporter, fresh from a boring adventure atop the Wellington Webb Municipal Building in the heart of Denver, observed Denver’s 45-year-old mayor, Michael B. Hancock, meet his political death.
At 4:20 PM today, on 4/20, the fair weather day that pot addicts have been waiting for since birth, 50,000 potheads, celebrating the passage of Amendment 64, lit up in Civic Center Park, with thousands of mild-mannered police observing the illegal activity, while U.S. Attorney John Walsh, who is in the unfortunate position of enforcing an unenforceable federal law, stood by, bemused.
On the same day that Colorado enthusiastically voted to give President Obama Four More Years, they also, true Libertarians all, decided to make recreational marijuana legal, so long as they smoke that bad shit in private.
Observing the event, the solitary reporter noticed that one thousand weedeaters had climbed atop the multi-story Webb Building, and purported to be enjoying themselves.
The solitary reporter, an occasionally agile 72-year-old man, donned his Spiderman outfit and scaled the walls, and, panting vigorously, informed the potheads that they were seriously risking their lives.
All one thousand immediately desisted, but pleaded with the solitary reporter for help in getting down.
“Tough Edibles,” the solitary reporter said.
Then, here in City Park, Denver’s crown jewel, the solitary reporter, vigorously peddling his bicycle, encountered His Honor, who had, in 2013, foolishly instructed his Parks and Recreation Department to build a $5 million regional attraction to replace an aging playground which volunteers built twenty years ago.
But concerned citizens managed to persuade the mayor’s Department of Parks and Recreation Manager, Lauri Dannemiller, to cancel the plan on the ground of sheer stupidity.
Here in the middle of City Park, Hancock, an intelligent politician and a good Democrat who had opposed Amendment 64, was meeting with Dannemiller, gazing at Mount Evans, as the solitary reporter approached.
A distinct odor, not emanating from the solitary reporter, was in the air, as the mayor and Dannemiller conferred on their next plan to ruin the crown jewel by putting a three-story parking garage where they wanted to put their regional attraction. City Park is already home to the Denver Museum of Nature and Science and the Denver Zoo, both of which attract visitors from all over the Rocky Mountain West.
The solitary reporter promptly informed The Denver Post, which will print the mayor’s political obituary tomorrow.