THE HOLY SEE, ROME – As President Obama and Pope Francis met earlier today, and as the cameras flashed and whirred, Obama handed Francis a bag of carrot seeds. But what the mainstream media failed to report is that the president, congratulating Francis on his global outreach to the poor and oppressed, also told the Pope, “Your Holiness, because you love the poor, and because I do also even though I am constantly reminded by my critics that I’m too cerebral and elitist, you are much more of a Democrat than a Republican.”


This was all documented by a solitary reporter.


“Therefore,” Obama continued, “by the authority vested in me by Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz, I am handing you, as a gift much more precious than the carrot seeds, your certificate of lifetime membership in the Democratic Party.”


Deeply moved, the Pope accepted Obama’s offer, and immediately issued a decree binding on the US Conference of Catholic Bishops to quit lambasting the Affordable Care Act for its provisions requiring adequate medical coverage for women.


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