SIMFEROPOL, CRIMEA, RUSSIA – Mikhail Khodorovsky (Михаи́л Бори́сович Ходорко́вский), at one time one of the wealthiest persons in the world, later imprisoned by Russian President Vladimir Putin for, among other things, embezzlement and money laundering, and released in December 2013, now finds himself, according only to a solitary reporter, here in the capital of the Russian Republic of the Crimea.
“You see, SR,” Khodorovsky explained, “Vlad secretly realizes that he may have made a really bad mistake in seizing Crimea, so he is simply using me to try to enhance what little cred he still has left with Merkel and Obama.”
“That’s why he has given me full license to engage in widespread real estate speculation here. He has given me one half of the newly created Republic of Crimea. He has authorized me to use all the skills of all Russian businessmen who are very skilled in sophisticated corruption, which includes all the oligarchs.”
When the solitary reporter informed Merkel of what Khodorovsky had said, Merkel sighed and said, “SR, please try to persuade Mr. Khodorovsky to give all his earnings to Greece. That way, my Greek problem would be solved in an instant.”
“And once Khodorovsky solves that Greek problem for me, I will immediately telephone President Obama and tell him that Putin isn’t quite so bad as we had thought."