FORT LEE, NEW JERSEY – Moments ago, New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio rushed to the middle of the George Washington Bridge, seeking to make political hay from BridgeGate, the scandal threatening to derail New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie’s plan to succeed President Obama.


De Blasio was joined by Fort Lee’s Mayor, Mark Sokolich, and a solitary reporter, all three of whom happily congratulated each other for being Democrats. 


“The Big Apple is always open to the many Republicans in New Jersey who were silly enough to have reelected Christie,” de Blasio crowed. “I’ll never shut down George’s bridge.”


For his part, Sokolich noted that Fort Lee was the birthplace of the American film industry. “And what better place to bring it back here to Fort Lee than right there on the western terminus of George’s bridge!”


“Let's drop the big guy from my side of the bridge and see if he can float."


Bridget Kelly, Christie’s aide who ordered the closing of several lanes to the bridge in September, causing huge traffic problems, whom Christie peremptorily fired this morning, told the solitary reporter that now that she has been dumped from the fat boy’s presidential campaign, she has assumed a comparable role on Kentucky Sen. Rand Paul’s presidential campaign staff. “He’s a lot cuter,” Kelly explained, “and he takes a lot better care of himself than Cantankerous Chris does."


"Not only that," Kelly continued, "Rand has a much tighter vision for the future of what's left of our country."


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