WASHINGTON — Flanked by his favorite Tea Party Senators, Ted Cruz, Rand Paul, and Mike Lee, RNC Chair Reince Priebus announced, moments ago, that he will, later today, be flying to Juba, the capital of the world's newest nation, South Sudan, with a special Christmas gift.
“Although Obama is helping our party out quite considerably by the failed rollout of Obamacare,” Priebus explained to a bemused solitary reporter, “we need to export it and get it away from our shores totally. We want to give Obamacare in its entirety to South Sudan, where they really need a medical system, even if it is the worst medical system ever created.”
There was, however, some minor disagreement among the four GOP stalwarts. Cruz wondered aloud whether at least some of Obamacare should go to Mexico, which also experiences a lot of killing and therefore some degree of need for emergency medical services.
In rapid response, White House Press Secretary Jay Carney pounced on the Republicans’ latest move to prevent ordinary Americans from receiving adequate medical care. “Once we provide lots of military assistance to the government of South Sudan to keep it from falling,” Carney explained, “they will be so grateful to us that if the Republicans somehow do manage to get the Affordable Care Act imposed on the South Sudanese, South Sudan’s government will immediately return it to us.”
After listening to this collective nonsense coming from the United States, South Sudan’s president, Salva Kiir Mayardit, wearing his trademark cowboy hat, said that he will soon be flying to Washington to tell our politicians to let his country solve its own problems without making South Sudan’s problems any worse than they already are.