RADIOLAND — Rush Limbaugh, who boasts 15 million listeners to his daily rants, is running for president on the Tea Party ticket.
Last Wednesday, Limbaugh lambasted Pope Francis, calling him a virtual Marxist, after Francis issued an exhortation to the faithful, urging that governments around the world pay more attention to the plight of the poor. In his statement, the Pope directly criticized trickle down economics.
Limbaugh said that the Pope had crossed the line from religious leader and was making a purely political statement.
As Limbaugh, as far away as possible from a solitary reporter, seemed to be wrapping up his rant, he cried out, “I've had enough of this! I'm running for president, and the Tea Party is fully behind me!”
Limbaugh, claiming to have the support of tea party activists Jim Demint and Charles and David Koch, said, “I am the absolute best choice to claim this mantle!”
With a fair measure of oxycodone in his pocket, sipping his favorite Scotch malt, and puffing an enormous cigar, Limbaugh yelled, “Bring 'em on!”
In 1992, President Ronald Reagan sent Limbaugh a letter in which he thanked him “for all you're doing to promote Republican and conservative principles… [and] you have become the Number One voice for conservatism in our Country.”
At DNC headquarters, Chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz asked the solitary reporter, “What do you think, SR? Could we bring the Pope over here, make him an American citizen, and run him against Rush if Hillary decides not to run?”
The solitary reporter promptly got on the phone and called Alejandro Mayorkas, Director of US Citizenship and Immigration Services in the Department of Homeland Security, and asked how quickly he could grant citizenship to the Pope.
At the Vatican, a spokesman for Francis said that the Pope prefers the climate of Rome to that of Washington, and that he suggests that Limbaugh calm down and sober up.