TORONTO — Feeling robbed of his birthright by a steady drumbeat of shrill demands that he resign, Toronto Mayor Rob Ford has taken refuge in the American Consulate here.


As he entered the consulate, hoping not to be rebuffed by Consul General Jim Dickmeyer, Ford told a solitary reporter, “After I swore up and down that I had never smoked crack, then admitted that I had smoked a tiny amount while I was in a drunken stupor, somehow I couldn't convince this city that I love that I am in recovery and will be an even better mayor for having confronted my Lower Power.”


As Dickmeyer ushered him into his private office, Ford said, “Jim, you need to get on the phone with President Obama right away.”


“You see,” Ford explained, “I can't stay in Canada, but because of my expertise in drugs and drug rehab, I'm the best person that Barack could appoint as head of the DEA.”


“I could also simultaneously fix Obamacare if Obama would just get rid of that Sebelius woman.”


“I see, Rob,” Dickmeyer said. “But, I have a better idea.”


Don Head, Commissioner of the Correctional Service of Canada, appeared, shook hands with Ford and Dickmeyer, and escorted Ford to the Bath Institution, one of Ontario's finest correctional facilities, where he invited the now former mayor to settle in for a good long stay.


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