WASHINGTON — Senator Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) is happy.
On October 8, while NASA and much of the rest of the federal government were shut down, NASA was unable to announce that Asteroid 2013 TV135, with a diameter of 1300 feet, had zipped perilously close to Earth.
Instead, the asteroid was discovered by a Ukrainian astronomer in the Crimea.
Yesterday, NASA announced that in about 20 years, Asteroid 2013 TV135 might actually visit Terra Firma.
On September 24, Cruz took to the floor of the Senate, informing the entire American public how important it is to read Dr. Seuss' Green Eggs and Ham as a prophylactic against the Affordable Care Act.
“I feel totally vindicated,” Cruz told a solitary reporter who had just implored Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid to run for president.
“We don't need NASA, and we don't need ObamaCare, but as long as we have to pay unnecessary taxes to support NASA, at least we know that in 20 years or so Asteroid 2013 TV135 will scrap ObamaCare once and for all.”
“As a God-fearing Baptist,” Cruz continued, “I take the Book of Revelation literally."
“Therefore,” Cruz continued, “I'm taking to the floor of the Senate, demanding that Asteroid 2013 TV135 be renamed Obama's Folly.”
“Before Obama's Folly destroys Earth, the 144,000 redeemed, mentioned quite specifically at Revelation 14:3, will be saved. They will all be members of the Tea Party. Everybody else is on their own.”
Sen. Rand Paul (TP-Kentucky) issued a statement through an aide, saying that the fact that Asteroid 2013 TV135 had missed Earth proves that NASA is unnecessary.
After he was released from the Republican-ordered furlough, NASA Administrator Charles Bolden told Cruz and Paul that he will be unable to offer them safe passage out of the solar system.