TRENTON — As GOP senators including Ted Cruz and Arizona's flaky junior senator met with President Obama this afternoon in their continuing game of chicken, New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie announced that he is running for president.


Interviewed by The Philadelphia Inquirer, Christie said, when asked what he would do if he were a United States Senator now, “if I was in the Senate right now, I'd kill myself.”


“My approach would be, as the executive,” the governor continued, “is to call in the leaders of the Congress, the legislature, whatever you're dealing with, and say we're not leaving this room until we fix this problem, because I'm the boss. I'm in charge.”


Robert Hall, the Inquirer's Publisher, told a solitary reporter that, since Christie is not known for harboring death wishes, it is fair to consider the governor's statement as an announcement that the burly governor will do his utmost to rescue the GOP from the Tea Party. “Probably by going down to Washington and literally sitting on Cruz, Paul, Toomey, and those other guys,” Hall explained.


In an aside, Christie told the solitary reporter that, if Cruz defeats Hillary Clinton for the presidency in 2016, he would not accept an offer from Cruz to replace Kathleen Sebelius as Secretary of Health and Human Services. “I always chow down a lot when I go to the Boss' concerts, and I'm not stopping now.”


A spokesman for Bruce Springsteen, Christie's idol, said that The Boss will continue to refuse a photo op with the governor as long as he persists in making a fool of himself at Springsteen's concerts.


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