WASHINGTON — The Tea Party won.


As usual, the mainstream media missed quite a few things that didn't happen.


As the House of Representatives forced a shutdown of most of the federal government yesterday, Speaker John Boehner was forced out from his leadership position.


“That dolt from Cincinnati didn't stand up to Obama soon enough,” Majority Leader Eric Cantor declared, “and I found that embarrassing and humiliating.”


“If he had had the guts to stand up to Obama sooner, we could have shut down the government earlier, which is what all of us on my side of the aisle wanted, because we came here as dedicated obstructionists in the model of Mitch McConnell.”


“So I proudly voted for Congresswoman Michele Bachmann, the founder of the Tea Party Caucus, to succeed Boehner.”


Gushing at the cameras, Bachmann reveled in the furloughs of 800,000 federal employees, while insisting that President Obama launch his promised attack against Syria, all the while relishing the prospect of laughing in the president's face once the missile strikes fail in their objective of punishing the Assad regime.


“I'm also changing my mind about not running for reelection,” Bachmann said. ”I can see that I'm desperately needed here.”


For his part, Boehner issued a statement urging Sen. Rand Paul (TP-Kentucky), who is running for president, to commit to appointing Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) to the Supreme Court.


An aide to Cruz said that his boss would gladly take the oath with his right hand on a Bible and his left hand on his tattered copy of Green Eggs and Ham.


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