NEW YORK — As faithful readers of this online newspaper, you are the first to know that embattled former Congressman Anthony Weiner is running for president of the United States.
Even his wife, Huma, doesn't know, according to a solitary reporter.
“I'm very well acquainted with the sexual culture of Washington,” Weiner said. ”And Bill Clinton got away with it, so why can't I?”
Weiner's announcement came days after the resignation of his campaign manager in his soon to be aborted campaign for mayor of The Big Apple.
Referring obliquely to his well-publicized use of video technology to share intimate views of his private parts with one of his reputedly large number of fans, the former Congressman said, “I believe in the First Amendment, and I can't think of a better example of how the constitutional guarantee of free speech enhances my pursuit of happiness.”
Weiner acknowledged that he decided to run for president after The New Yorker magazine's cover cartoon showed him straddling the Empire State building, converting the iconic Manhattan building into a phallic symbol. Rather than being shamed by the cartoon, Weiner said he appreciates the free publicity.
After learning of Weiner's plan to run for president, Sen. Rand Paul (TP-Kentucky) issued a statement saying that he is having second thoughts about running for president himself. “I'm a true blue Libertarian, and I believe that people should do whatever they want,” Paul said, “but I don't have near as much chutzpah as Weiner does.”