BUCKINGHAM PALACE — Yesterday, news reached the jubilant throngs outside this, the Sovereign's Residence, that Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, delivered a baby boy, third in line to the throne.

Queen Elizabeth II (known to her adoring subjects as Liz2) then startled the world, caused jubilation in Sanford, Florida, the District of Columbia, and brought tears of gratitude to the eyes of President Obama.

“We have named Kate and Bill's baby boy Prince Trayvon.”

Immediately, massive throngs in all the black Commonwealth of Nations, namely: Antigua and Barbuda, Bahamas, Barbados, Botswana, Cameroon, Domenica, The Gambia, Ghana, Grenada, Guyana, Jamaica, Kenya, Lesotho, Malawi, Mozambique, Namibia, Nigeria, Papua New Guinea, Rwanda, St. Kitts and Nevis, St. Lucia, St. Vincent and the Grenadines, the Seychelles, Sierra Leone, Solomon Islands, South Africa, Swaziland, Tanzania, Trinidad and Tobago, Uganda, and Zambia rejoiced as well, at the naming of Prince Trayvon.

“All I'm trying to do,” Liz2 explained to a solitary reporter, “is help President Obama, whose very charming wife, the FLOTUS, and I are budds.”

But, holed up in the deepest bowels of the tiny Ecuadorian Embassy here in London, WikiLeaks Chief A-__hole Julian Assange, cowering in the dark, with thousands of Gurkhas surrounding the embassy, and simultaneously tweeting Edward Snowden, announced to a totally bored audience of three that he has cracked the security codes of not only Great Britain, but of all the black Commonwealth Nations.

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