CAIRO — Edward Snowden, previously held by Russian authorities in transit area arrest at Moscow's Sheremetyevo International Airport, has been sighted here in Egypt's capital by a solitary reporter.
The elusive traitor to his country was audibly laughing at inaccurate reports that he had been spirited away from Sheremetyevo by Bolivian president Evo Morales, after France and Portugal refused permission for Morales' airplane to cross their airspace because of suspicions that Snowden was on board.
As it turns out, Mohammed El Baradei, the putative leader of the millions of protesters against wannabe Egyptian dictator Mohamed Morsi's erratic rule, made a deal with Snowden, in which Snowden agreed to crack the Egyptian military's top secret codes to discover the plans formulated by Lieut. Gen. Sedid Sobhi, the Egyptian Army's Chief Of Staff, for the ouster, incarceration, and prompt execution of Morsi, so the Egyptian military can regain its tenacious hold on power, which it lost after Morsi was elected president.
But Snowden, attempting to revive his cred with Secretary of State John Kerry, who revoked Snowden's passport last week, was so successful in manipulating the secret codes of the Egyptian military that, in the twinkling of an eye, Morsi found himself sitting in the Oval Office, chatting with President Obama.
“You were democratically elected,” Obama told Morsi, “and, because I'm a Democrat, and because I purport to believe in democracy, I'm sending the CIA to Cairo to keep you in power, with help from the NSA, which is strenuously trying to regain its cred with the American people.”
But, in a stern rebuff to Obama's overtures, Morsi turned down the offer, saying “Barry, I don't want to go back to Cairo. I want you to put me on a secret airplane which will take me to Colorado Springs so I can meet Jaxine Bubis, the author of a steamy romance, Beantown Heat. Barry, I realize that you don't read the Denver Post because you are too busy, but this Bubis, who is immensely proud of her boobies, is trying to unseat Colorado State Senate President John Morse, who courageously bucked the NRA in the recently concluded Colorado legislative session.”
“You see, ” Morsi continued, “in an Islamic nation such as mine, in stark contrast to here in the United States where men enjoy looking at women's breasts in public, we don't have any fun at all, since our wives, given the the way we macho men control their lives, have no interest in having sex with their husbands.”
“All I really want,” Morsi explained, “is to get some free sex.”
In an unsuccessful effort to placate Morsi, Obama reluctantly acceded to his request. Morsi was last seen being chatted up by Hugh Hefner on their way to Bubis' campaign office, where she is attempting to unseat Morse, but not Morsi, in a recall election.