WASHINGTON — Famous since 1818 for its ability to predict the future, the Farmer's Almanac has announced the imminent political demise of House Speaker John Boehner, who was unable yesterday to muster enough fellow Republicans and, yes, even some stray Democrats, to support him on the much-contested Farm Bill.
As Peter Geiger, Editor of the Farmer's Almanac, explained to a solitary reporter, “This was an easy one. There are no provisions for subsidizing the production of tea in the United States, which has infuriated the Tea Party. Without the fanatical support of the Tea Party, Boehner is sunk on any piece of legislation that he likes, or even pretends to like.”
A spokesman for Boehner denied rumors that the Speaker plans to escape from his numerous political conundrums and join Nancy Pelosi and her fellow Democrats. “After all,” the spokesman said, “the last thing we want is for Michele Bachmann to become Speaker.”
For her part, Pelosi said, “In a way, I feel sorry for John, but the left-wing ideologues in my own Party don't want him. They feel that if he wants sympathy, he should go cry on the President's shoulder.”