ANDREWS AIR FORCE BASE — After scoring a hole-in-one against President Obama and Sen. Mark Udall (D.-Colo.) yesterday, at Joint Base Andrews Golf Course, Sen. Saxby Chambliss (R.-Ga.) told the president what to do with the rest of his agenda.
“Barry, your agenda for the rest of your term sank into the eleventh hole just after my ball did,” Chambliss said.
Nonplussed, the president told Chambliss and his partner, Sen. Bob Corker (R.-Tenn.), the ranking member of the Foreign Relations Committee, that Air Force One is about to take him to Damascus to straighten things out.
“How's that for a hole-in-one wannabe?,” Obama asked.
Corker had no comment, but he did call Secretary of State John Kerry on his cell phone, saying “John, when you're talking with Putin tomorrow, just don't give away the store.”
Corker's cell phone call to Kerry was intercepted by a solitary reporter, despite the best efforts of Secretary of Homeland Insecurity Janet Napolitano.
In Israel, Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu launched a nuclear attack on Tehran, saying “It's now or never. I never liked Obama anyway.”
In Amman, King Abdullah II expressed relief that, by the end of the month, all Syrian refugees in Jordan will be repatriated to Syria.
In Istanbul, Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan sent Obama a tweet inviting the president to drop in for a nice cup of Turkish coffee.
In Tehran, Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei launched a nuclear attack on Jerusalem.
In Damascus, Assad The Second called Putin, demanding that he send his own personal jet to rescue him and take him to St. Petersburg for his exile.
At the Pentagon, Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel expressed relief, saying “Now McCain will quit bugging me. With the Sequester, I don't have any money anymore, and my Air Force doesn't have any bombs, nuclear or otherwise, to drop on Damascus anyway.”