WASHINGTON — This time, the president's State of the Union speech didn't turn out quite as expected.

Just as the president was telling the world that the US economy will be greatly strengthened when he withdraws 34,000 troops from Afghanistan by February 2014 and then declares war on Syrian dictator Bashar al Assad, with the 34,000 troops who were in Afghanistan now poised to invade Syria from the Golan Heights, a diminutive, pudgy, twenty-something Korean man sitting in the gallaery of the House of Representatives reached into his pocket and pulled out his favorite toy, all as observed by a solitary reporter, and aimed his toy directly at the president. Obama immediately spotted North Korea's tinhorn dictator, Kim Jong Un, in the gallery, and raised his left hand to deflect the nuke that was about to kill him. Whereupon Kim shouted out “Death to the American imperialists! Death to anybody born in Indonesia! Death to all the enemies of Joseph Stalin!”

SEAL Team 6 members immediately took out Kim the Third, while Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius and Surgeon General Regina Benjamin rushed to the president's side.

Cardinal Donald William Wuerl, Archbishop of Washington, DC, rudely pushed aside The Reverend Jeremiah Wright, Obama's former pastor in Chicago. “Mr. President,” Cardinal Wuerl whispered into the president's ear, “If I can't perform a miracle right now and save your life after that despicable act perpetrated by Kim Jong Un, not only will I never get to be Pope, I won't have the slightest chance in the world of becoming a Saint!”

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