BOSTON — Although even Charles Krauthammer has long since written Mitt Romney's political obituary, the Mormon political geek wannabe still has quite a bit of political clout.

The deal was (almost) sealed moments ago when House Speaker John Boehner, desperate to avoid falling off the political cliff, thus ensuring the immediate demise of the GOP, made a deal with President Barack Hussein Obama.

It all had to do with the fact that the GOP torpedoed Susan Rice's candidacy to succeed Hillary Clinton well before Rice was even nominated.

“Deval,” Obama said to Massachusetts Gov. Deval Patrick, “I need your help.”

“If you appoint Romney to succeed John Kerry, Boehner's gonna let Bush Two's tax cuts expire and let me ram through another huge stimulus to give a lot of pork to my Democratic Party buddies in the inner cities.”

“I staked my entire campaign on that.”

“Mr. President,” Patrick replied, “Hell no, that won't go!”

“I'm appointing myself,” Patrick continued.

“After all, with Tim Scott succeeding DeMint in the Senate,” Patrick explained, in the presence of only a solitary reporter, “us Dems desperately need another black man in there.”

Patrick immediately elaborated, growing bolder by the nanosecond. “After all, Barry, don't forget: the Al Sharptons and Jesse Jacksons of this world are still convinced that you're not black.”

“You're going to need all the help you can get in 2013.”

“Look at it this way: with me appointing myself, you won't have to worry about Scott Brown, and I promise to be nice to Liz Warren, even though she's a little Indian woman.”

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