CHICAGO — Mitt Romney's star-crossed campaign to take the nation straight back to the late 18th century has descended into chaos.
Despite Karl Rove's best efforts, W, also known as Bush Two, emerged from hiding at his ranch in Crawford, Texas, and endorsed President Obama.
“I'm a born-again Christian,” W explained to a nationwide TV audience, “and I believe that Barack Obama was born, either once or twice, in the United States, and if Mitt Romney thinks that he's been born again, that phony former governor from Massachusetts better 'fess up right now.”
Bush Two's totally unexpected emergence from political oblivion has resulted in an immediate drop in Romney's polling numbers, from 47% to a very unlucky 13%. Pundits including Stephen Colbert, John Stuart, and Andy Borowitz are now predicting with all sincerity (but not humility) that Obama will take Texas, and that Romney is even running into trouble in Utah.
Even more amazing, Obama's campaign manager, Jim Messina, announced that W's Big Switch was arranged by a mole disguised as a solitary reporter, planted deep inside Team Romney.
Matt Rhoades, Romney's campaign manager, and RNC Chair Reince Priebus, both frothing at the mouth, immediately cried foul and demanded that Chief Justice John Roberts banish Bush Two from the United States for life, but a spokesman for Roberts responded by saying that the Supreme Court would consider the matter “with all deliberate speed.”