GENEVA, SWITZERLAND — Mitt Romney has conceded the presidential race to President Barack Obama, and has taken refuge in a vault at Credit Suisse.
“I don't believe in government,” Romney explained to a solitary reporter. “And because Hurricane Sandy is about to wipe out much of Virginia (where I was supposed to be today) as well as Sodom and Gomorrah -- I mean, Manhattan -- and because, candidly, SR, the only people who can help the victims of Sandy are The Government, I decided to throw in the towel, so to speak, and take the plunge into the deep waters of political oblivion.”
“Here at Credit Suisse, I have a lot of friends, because I have a lot of assets here, hidden from the eyes of the American people, and especially the Federal Election Commission.”
“I thought about going to the Cayman Islands, where I also have a lot of stuff, but the Caribbean has hurricanes, also. And, since I speak French fluently, I will be just fine here in Geneva.”
At Obama for America headquarters, campaign manager Jim Messina said that the president will appoint Romney as his ambassador to The Gambia.