LIBERTARIAN PARTY HEADQUARTERS, WASHINGTON — Stymied by Republicans in his attempt to become the first Libertarian to be elected president, former New Mexico Gov. Gary Johnson has urged all his fellow loyal, pro-marijuana Libertarians to emulate yesterday's daredevil jump by Austrian skydiver Felix Baumgartner from a helium balloon to a desert near Roswell, New Mexico, from an altitude of twenty-four miles.

In an exclusive interview by a solitary reporter, Johnson explained, “We Libertarians believe that we should be able to do anything we want. If Felix can do it, so can you or I, but only if we are stoked on weed.”

“That said,” Johnson continued, “I had nothing to do with the designated arrival place of Mr. Baumgartner, even though it was in New Mexico.”

“I was way too busy trying to thwart the Republicans who know full well that I will win my home state by an overwhelming majority, thus tipping the election to President Obama.”

Romney's campaign manager, Matt Rhoades, had no comment, other than to say that he would have preferred that Baumgartner's fellow Austrian, Arnold Schwarzenegger, had made the jump, instead.


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