GREEN BAY — As he continues his endlessly pandering effort to please all segments of the Righteous Republican Right, GOP presidential wannabe Mitt Romney lost 20 points in the polls yesterday to President Obama, after he blasted NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell following Monday Night Football's debacle in Seattle, when hapless, unqualified referees gave the game away to the Seattle Seahawks in the last eight seconds of their game against the fabled Green Bay Packers.
“I realize full well,” Romney confided to a solitary reporter, “that private enterprise is private enterprise, and that professional football represents the apotheosis of private enterprise. That said, there is no way I can win Wisconsin unless I spend every remaining day of the campaign reassuring the unpredictable Wisconsin voters that the Packers were robbed.”
“My problem, SR,” Romney continued, “is that I fully support management's absolute right to lock out their employees, especially when impoverished NFL owners need to boost their profits and keep sending them to the Cayman Islands.”
“So what should I do?”
Totally unprepared for Romney's plea for help, the solitary reporter told him to appoint yellow-dog Democrats to the National Labor Relations Board. “Once you do that, Governor, the NLRB will tell the NFL to punt.”
Shocked by this naïve response, numerous unqualified members of Romney's campaign staff quickly whispered to him, “When RR fired the air traffic controllers, it guaranteed him idolatry for life. Don't give in to those nasty union organizers, or community organizers, for that matter, and you will sail through Wisconsin.”
“Don't forget about Joe McCarthy, either.”