ON THE ROMNEY CAMPAIGN TRAIL — In a video released yesterday, Mitt Romney was filmed and recorded by a hidden camera at a fundraiser for wealthy donors earlier this year. In the video, Romney says that 47% of the voting American population will vote for President Obama because they rely on government support. He also said that he wishes that he could boast a Latino heritage and a Latino name.
The video was not made by your solitary reporter, although he would have willingly made it if he could have afforded the very steep price to get into the event.
As soon as he saw the video, Sen. Marco Rubio (R.-Fla.) called Romney and offered him a special opportunity. Your faithful solitary reporter was listening in.
“Governor,” Rubio said, “I'm offering you a special deal, but you have to respond to my offer with the same lightning speed with which you condemned the statement by our embassy in Egypt last week.”
“My Republican Latino friends and I are going to give you a Latino name, but only for the duration of this campaign.”
“Your new name," Rubio continued, "is Hernan Avaro Rico. Hernan is for Hernan Cortes. We chose this for your first name because Hernan Cortes was the first great conquistador of Mexico; he defeated the Aztecs in 1519 and brought the immense benefits of colonial civilization to Mexico, which, incidentally, is the birthplace of your father, so we thought you would like that.”
“Your new Latino family name is Rico because you are rich, and your middle Latino name is Avaro, which, well, since you don't speak Spanish, let me clue you in: "avaro" means greedy. Since the entire world, when it thinks of you, thinks immediately of your wealth, and how you got it, well, we just think that this word fits you very well.”
"Us Republicans are greedy and proud of it!" cried the jubilant Rubio -- a sentiment warmly embraced by Romney's communications director, Gail Gitcho.